my story

Isn't it so annoying when you have a beautiful dream and no one seems to understand how truly lovely it was when you try to explain it?  Don't you just wish that you could make your ideas as clear to others as they are to you?

I have dreams!  I get inspired and I love to use my imagination... it's really hard for me to keep all my feelings inside!  Ever feel that way?

That's why I love blogging.  I have always resorted to writing or journaling to release the feelings that often seem to get jammed up in my brain.  I want to be able to unravel my feelings and share them with you.  Also, I want to say that it is God who has set things in order in my mind and given me a peace and the stability to tell others about the thoughts on my mind.

One of my main goals in writing is to express to others the peace and fulfillment that comes from GOD's LOVE... it's so amazing!  I know from experience that it is the truest, purest, most beautiful love that a person could ever experience!  It is a love that desires nothing in return.  This is so different from love that the world offers, which is only extended based upon what it gets from you.  Sadly, since the world's love usually appears quite attractive, most people go after it. Head-first.  Full-speed.  Blindly... not realizing the coming disappointments.  I did.

I'm in my late teens, and I know first-hand that, especially with young people, the desire to feel loved, accepted, and popular is a very strong pull.  It can be life-consuming.

In my life, God has shown me that the value of seeking approval from humans is very shallow.  He has made it clear to me that true happiness is found by desiring the well-being of OTHERS instead of focusing on myself.

I haven't always known this. Before God changed my heart, I went though a lot of problems trying to get the approval of my friends.  People who I thought loved me hurt me.  My "friends" turned their backs on me. I had repeatedly experienced a broken heart, shattered dreams and trying to find relief from my inner pain. At one particular point I fell into deep depression, and I started heading down a road that was physically harmful (I rapidly lost a lot of weight).  My thoughts at that time were very mixed up... I had anorexia.

Confused and angry, I ignored the wise advise of my parents to seek Jesus, and I continued doing what I thought was best -- and I paid a price! It's a long, unpleasant story that is forever etched in my memories.  Anyway, just when I was beginning to think that life was no longer worth living, JESUS SAVED ME and revealed to me that the depression and emotional stress that I thought was being put upon me by others was actually coming from my own heart of selfishness.  Yeah.  I was basically having a pity-party.  I felt like people weren't treating me the way I thought they should.  Jesus showed me how to get my eyes off myself and redirect my attention to those who were hurting me... how the Lord might use me to help them!

He showed me something that was millions of times better and more exquisite than I ever dreamed!


The Lord Jesus said to me:

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

     I have called you by your name;

     You are Mine...

Since you were precious in My sight,

     You have been honored,

     And I have loved you..." Isaiah 43:1,4

I get chills and teary eyes as I think about it!  Jesus actually LOVES ME!!!  This pathetic, insufficient Sarah... me.  He is going to honor me, of all things.

If people today only knew what that means.  So many problems would be solved.  Not only would we find that the love that most people offer us is just plain fake and conditional, but then also, we wouldn't bother to spend to much time and energy attempting to impress individuals who most likely could care less.

My mom told me that when she was a teenager, she went out and got a really expensive car (that she couldn't afford, by the way). Suddenly, she started making friends that she never had before.  Note: This gave her a temporary feeling of acceptance.  Then, on the day that the bill collectors came and had to take the car away because she couldn't make her payments, her friends dropped her, leaving her in the dust with absolutely nothing.  How fake!!!  It would have spared her a lot of of heartache and waste to never get the car in the first place.

If we would accept Jesus' gift of unconditional love, we would no longer need to work so hard to keep up an image or anything, because Jesus loves us the way we really are-- unlovable.  Its so simple, and we would become 100% content.  We would see that in Christ, we have a special purpose in life: loving others with the same beautiful love that the Lord Jesus has given us freely.

I went to a Christian girls' camp a few years ago, shortly after my psychological crisis.  On the last day there, a friend of mine shared her testimony with the girls.  Her story was just like mine, and I was very, very touched.  She shared with me the verse I just shared with you.

I cried for the longest time that night as the reality struck me.  Jesus was holding out His hand and offering to take me into His arms and show me what TRUE LOVE is.  The reality overwhelmed me.  Ever since that time, I'm living to share with others this wonderful thing that has filled every inch of my being:  God's Love.

I have been raised in a Christian home, knowing this concept in my head; but that night, it became real in my heart.  And as the years go on, I understand it better and better, and I'm learning to embrace this new life full of God's love and the anticipation of what lies ahead of all those who surrender their lives to Jesus-- Heaven!

To those of you out there who think that being a Christian is boring, YOU ARE WRONG!  Life for me with Jesus has been a continuous adventure...  there have been some painful and difficult times, and very wonderful times too... and I've learned to be content and very fulfilled with anything.  You can too, if you learn to love, trust and accept Christ as your personal savior and friend.  In return, you too will experience the greatest and most beautiful thing man can ever have:  the LOVE of GOD!